love without sound

empiredownx @ 2011-10-23T16:06:00

2011-10-23T20:06:04Z

I feel no urge to be making art, other than my mind nagging me to do so because I'm supposed to be an "artist" and I probably should create something.

It's the same problem as usual-- tons of ideas, lack of motivation to execute them. Except I'm happy right now, even though I haven't really created anything in...months. Normally that wouldn't feel good to me. Normally, I am the most creative and productive when I am happy (I call bullshit on whoever says depressed people make for the greatest artists). I'm sure it's perfectly fine and normal and healthy to have shifts of interest and allow oneself to go through those periods of time to explore other things, while maintaining their primary desires and interests, but I'm enrolled in a school that costs upwards of $30k a year. Everyone takes it seriously and so do I. I truly want to go back but I feel passion growing in other areas and the intensity of CCS makes it difficult for me, personally, to nurse all of those passions with equal/appropriate attention.
What if I don't WANT to pour all of my energy into art anymore? Maybe I want to take a poli sci class. Maybe I want to start French again, or finally get to learning German. Maybe I want to spend a lot of time at my job. Maybe I want to hit the road whenever the fuck I feel like (around my work schedule, of course) without having to worry about my grades and obligations and other shit I honestly don't care about.
I feel like a useful person who contributes to the world, while benefiting personally from my efforts. I never felt like that, at least not to this extent, while in school--not during grade school, not during my freshman year of college.

This could all be well and good, ya know, I could go part time or something (although I don't want to- I don't really want to extend my time in college even more), BUT if I'm not a full-time student, my health insurance is affected. I know my dental insurance would be gone or severely reduced (which is terrible!! everyone knows i have bad bad teeth), don't know about the others though.

I just want to work and take a few classes and make shit and have studies and save money and get an apartment. I think if I could have a balance like that, I'd be pretty satisfied--at least in theory, since you never know how something will be until it actually happens.

We'll see. I can see and feel myself growing up rapidly and at first it was scary but now, not so much...it feels great. Slowly on my way toward self-reliance. Feels damn good, and I just see it getting better and better.
With that growth and responsibility come big choices, too, and I'm pretty pleased with my recent choices, but who knows what will happen down the road. I honestly have no idea what my life will actually be like by the time I turn 20...god I don't want to think about that. That's a grown-up age. fucking freaky. Okay, done with that topic; the point is that I've kinda gotten used to being in a seize-the-moment mindframe. I have to make shit happen for myself but look around and accept new opportunities. This attitude has served me well, I just hope it continues to lead me toward good things and I can be at the place I want to be sooner rather than later.

xx

empiredownx @ 2011-07-03T03:59:00

2011-07-03T07:59:25Z

Fuck my health. Fuck what people around me think. Fuck what they know. Fuck their judgment, open or covert. Say it to my face. Don't be a fucking wimp.
I'm a hypocrite. Isn't everyone, though?
So just...fuck it. Fuck 'virtue' and predefined morals and standards set by some shallow grip our culture has on the traditions and uninformed assumptions of our ancestors...Fuck tradition. Fuck parachutes, or landing pads. Fuck safety nets imposed by others. Fuck the limits.

You can box yourself in, and be a homebody, or be outgoing, or be gay, or heterosexual, or transgendered, androgynous, cisgender...and you can be in love, or single, or a parent, or a worker, or an artist, a volunteer, a taxi driver....You could be a superficial youth desperate to fit into the limitations of a certain 'scene' or fashion...You could be the person who literally wears whatever is on the floor that they like, fuck what the others think, fuck what the Current Times dictate. The point is, you can be anything, seemingly free or restricted, but ultimately under the intense power of free will...we can CHOOSE what kind of limitations to allow ourselves to live by. We have the free power to set up and break down standards and limits and expectations and cultures and civilizations and anything else, anything...there are few limits, in my opinion, that the human mind cannot breach. Some things, like those of mystical, spiritual nature, the creation of the universe, etc so much more...I believe these can never be completely understood. Maybe that rare person will 'get' it...maybe it will be passed on to others...maybe the answer will die with that person. Or maybe it will never happen.

I don't know. There are a lot of things I don't know, however, I have the choice to change things, find the answers, pursue whatever it is I am after.

And I am free to do it in whatever way I fucking want.

empiredownx @ 2011-06-29T04:04:00

2011-06-29T08:04:15Z

I'm so close to having a clean room!! Granted it's still a mess, but I've realized I don't have ANYTHING left so sort thru! I have all the unnecessary stuff boxed up, i have a place for everything else, i've thrown out at least 8 bags of clothes and countless bags of trash and shit i don't need. now i just have to sort out the depths of under the bed, find room for a couple more things to be put away, and decide where to keep the boxes. i'll prob sort my closet and try to make room for them there. maybe i'll get rid of that stupid shoe rack that doesn't work.

threw out my old useless school folders and found one with all my creative essays that i wrote in grade 8. i'd totally forgotten about some of them. one that i did remember was called "Kavasira The Obliging" and it was about this girl whose parents were nobility and she was form norway then they moved to england during which time king arthur was battling with mordred, and she had a premonition of an incident that was going to fatally injure king arthur. so she told her father but he laughed in her face, and then she was proven right. i think then she had another premonition and they believed her and they won, or something...then she ran away back to norway to be with her lover, who her parents wouldnt let her marry since he was poor, and they got married and traveled the world and ladida the end.

haha i once found another story that sounds like the foreshadowing of an acid trip--SERIOUSLY. and i was fucking 13 and totally drug-free wtf. i had the trippiest imagination when i was a kid i swear to god!
but anyway, in this story, the protagonist finds a box that she's not supposed to open because it's a present for later or something, and she tears off the wrapping paper and opens it only to find another box, and she realizes her whole world has changed--like the sky is purple and the grass is yellow and the lights are pink, and then she unwraps the box inside and opens it and finds yet another box, decorated differently, and immediately her world goes crazy again, like the people around her are cats, etc. this happens a few times until she goes back to normal and the box has disappeared. honestly sounds like a horrible/amazing acid trip. damnn.

in other news. i'm getting so proud of myself for this. i think within the next week i can finally move my furniture.
call me silly but i believe furniture and arrangement have an immense impact on a room and how you feel in it. i have grown to hate this layout. it's old and i have to get rid of all the old energy and weight that weighs me down even further. i am a growing person and my environment must suit me so i'm switching up the layout a bit and i've tossed tons of shit away. i seriously never used to throw things away. i'm a mini-hoarder--i don't like to toss things because i get attached to all of them. my possessions are really important to me, they are an extension of me. and i'm coming from the clearance-store baby syndrome...i used to have so little so i held onto everything i did have. now i'm pretty comfortable but that habit's taken a long time to die. since living at college and getting by just fine with a fraction of my things there i realized i had so much unnecessary shit lying around in my room, so gradually i started tossing tons of shit out (and this was over several weekends even before summer) and later boxing up things i do want but don't have room for. cleaning out shit that takes up crucial storage space. not letting every paper and envelope pile up.

i just wanna finally be comfortable in my room and be able to lay down in bed and watch movies from my computer and have an actual bedside table and my dresser in the corner. i feel like light will bother me less because it won't be hitting my whole body like it does now, it will stream past my head. i kinda wish my desk was a little smaller but my college desk is too small, grr. and theres no fucking way i will ever be able to fit my drawing table in here but i can dream. *sigh*.

i wanna make it my little girlie den. i'm going to buy a sheer dusty pink curtain and a soft pretty lampshade to replace the gross old one, and if i put anything up on the walls it has to be pretty, and nicely spaced out. i want a cute, relaxed, comfortable place. none of the buildup and the harshness, none of the jarring posters and random shit alllll over the place. not so much of the useless pile-up that takes up soo much lovely floorspace.

oh, still have to figure out what to do with all my old books...i absolutely cannot bear to throw away a book, it just hurts my soul, it's like killing a baby bird to me. so i need to find out how i can donate them to salvation army or something. i dunno if i just have to take them there or what.

i've found so many cute letters from friends in like, elementary, middle and high school. i've found my little rants about my fake middle school friends, and caricatures of them, and loads and loads and loads of angsty poetry/ 'song lyrics'. i still remember some of the melodies i invented for them in my head. it's weird.
there's one from like, second grade that i still recall the melody of, but not at hand i'm a bit discombobulated right now.

i had the weirdest moment, i literally just sat outside in my driveway in my old computer chair, smoking out of the bubbler, then smoking a cigarette, kinda talking to myself and observing the street at nighttime. it's silly and it was fun and i am letting myself be as silly and fun and weird and whatever as i want to.

i had this big epiphany, kindof. and i've come to a realization that i am in fact allowed to give myself a break, be whatever i want to be and just am, just do things i enjoy, not worry so much about the future or the past but be able to feel good about little enjoyable moments. i realize i really need to stop judging myself, and holding myself to this bizarre standard that's always been there in my head and has always been unrealistic. i'm making myself cut it out.

sooomy reality is simple. i'm a nineteen year old girl and i'm doing what i want to be doing. i am the same person everywhere i go. i don't really worry whether people will think i'm this or that. i don't give a fuck if i'm attractive. i dress cute for myself. i'm taking it easy. and people could look at how i live and call me a loser but i don't care. for possibly the first time in my life i am *actually* CHILLING THE FUCK OUT about everything and just..."being".

my heart's opened up so much. i am learning, for fun even. i'm becoming aware of the world around me and instead of being a useless emo fuck and thinking "wahh this reaffirms that the world sucks so much" i'm saying, "what can be done about this? why is this happening?"

and goddammit i love anime. i don't know where the hell it came from. honestly make fun of my pot use as much as you want but it has led me to some great entertainment and enjoyment and really random but good ideas. since i love watching movies i'm netflixing nonstop...i've discovered some really great ones, and silly ones, and thought provoking ones, and lotttts of documentaries. i'm slightly burnt out on them though and i've already watched like 10 of them related to north korea. so somehow i was browsing anime one day and saw one with kindof neat-looking cover art called BLACK BUTLER. i read the description and thought it sounded kindof faggy but i went ahead and watched it. the first episode was ehh but the scenery was absolutely gorgeous and i kindof liked the characters so i went ahead and watched a few episodes...and then i became a complete addict...i would watch it for like, 3 hours a day, sometimes more...i got two of my friends hooked on it, and they got other people hooked on it, and i think once i show it to erin she'll get hooked on it too. it's like fucking crack. it's fucking great.

sadly i watched all of the available episodes on netflix and so i needed to find a new one on there that i could have marathons of and get sucked into...so i found HELL GIRL which is fucking great and different from BB, but equally pretty, and equally thought-provoking, probably moreso actually. it has a storyline that at first seems repetitive but soon a story arc slowly unfolds and you get to see more complicated situations. it's made me think a lot, as it brings up a lot of moral quandaries and it made me think a lot about technology and morals and kids and how it's all effecting each other etc. and there are some really creepy parts to it, and some really awesome animations, and believable situations, and really interesting supernatural stuff that is fun to watch. i'm on like episode 11 or something...still a lot left though. yee i'm excited.

i also found this show called SHIGOFUMI which is about this person who delivers messages to people from people who have died. i've just watched one episode so far but i can really see myself getting into it, it's cool and interesting and has a great atmosphere. D. GRAY-MAN is another cool one, i can't completely remember what it's about but i'm very fucking high right now and i only watched one ep...i liked it though, even though it's very "anime" in that it has lots of action and scenarios that are completely removed from the real world (like Dragon Ball Z, InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, idk a lot of others)...and part of why I don't like those kinds of shows is because they're not relatable at all, and a lot of the concepts or ideas are really hard to swallow, even if they are in a total fantasy world. i also don't like tons of slapstick humor which a lot of popular anime shows have. D. GRAY-MAN has some of that crazy fantasy action but it's appropriate and i didn't mind it at all, plus it made sense. i find a lot of anime shows to be really convoluted and just idk too much. wow i am sounding pretentious even about anime hahaha oh lord

this is like the longest fucking entry ever. i doubt anyone will read it all the way through but thank youuu if you do.
i'm having a good night, hope you are too. ♥

DPRK

2011-06-01T10:54:04Z

just watched two short documentaries about north korea, first a national geographic special featuring lisa ling, the other called 'Kimjongilia', which actually is named after a flower created for kim jong il to represent "peace, love, wisdom, and justice". i can't believe that's not a joke. i am sickened, i am horrified. and having spent so many hours reading about this and reading or watching accounts from people who reached the brink of death trying to escape, i cannot understand why it seems like no one is doing anything about this, not on a large scale. how. how can people have all of this information available to them and not DO anything? how can your heart not weep knowing that our family in north korea is suffering every single day? i sound like a PSA or a hippie i know, but i can't recall ever feeling so strongly about a political issue--except this isn't really a political issue, it is a matter of human rights. i have never felt so lucky to have the myriad of privileges in my life. and now i want to take control of my life more than ever so that i can be involved. i hope this feeling lasts. for the past few days somehow i have gone from a person with no opinion or information about this to someone who feels horrified and passionate about reaching out to my fellow human being. i can't believe that there are so many people being tortured under the illusion of splendor and normalcy, being sent to camps, being indoctrinated into a belief system that only causes pain and suffering...now? in 2011? for the past 5 decades? how sick. how very very fucking sick.

these people are demonized under the name of patriotism--people seem to see north koreans as a nation of horrible communist bastards who threaten our existence when they are really just people. they are indoctrinated people, and yes, they do not respect the US, maybe some of them don't even know anything is wrong--but that is because they have spent their entire lives under the rule of a regime that totally cuts them off from the reality of the world around them. they have no basis for comparison. they have no spectrum of information to consider like we do here. they can't look on wikipedia and read about the difference between democrats, republicans, and libertarians. they can't go to the library and check out a George Orwell book. they can't watch CNN, Fox News, and MSNBC, they can't visit different kinds of churches--they can't even go to church--and they can't diverge. i can sit here if i want and tell the world every reason why i don't love Obama. they say a word against their "Dear Leader"/"President for Life" and it's off to prison camp, or surveillance. they don't have the information or the freedom to make something much better for themselves, unless maybe they are one of the few who live in the capital, who can aim to be higher up members of the military, and maybe even eat two or three meals a day! such excitement.

people can complain all they want about capitalism and how no man is truly free, and though i agree, that is an entirely different topic. what i don't agree with is how all of these people dwell on what is wrong in their hometown, how prices go up, (and yes that is completely valid) but pay no attention to atrocities occurring to people who breathe the same air as us, have the same emotions as us, need the same things we do. i picture my own family being shipped off to a fucking prison camp for doing something "wrong" and i'm sick to my stomach, i can't even really imagine it. and it's no different for them.

so in short, i am disgusted, but i have found a new cause. i honestly hope that i stick with it. i am suddenly aware of the use that i can have for the world, and with so much freedom i really can make a difference, even if that is only from telling people, sharing opinions, learning. every little thing makes a difference, every new particle of knowledge makes a difference. and now what do i do with that?

empiredownx @ 2011-02-18T21:56:00

2011-02-19T02:56:17Z

I want to have a shitty cheap apartment with cracked old wood floors and red wine stains on the couch. I want to fill it with cheap antiques and nice antiques and paintings and things I made and books and dvds and weird shit from yard sales and taxidermy creatures. I want floral cushions and dead flowers in vases on the table and a wooden easel I made or bought cheap. I want pots and pans and a full spice rack. I want a big intricate but old rug that has paintstains all over it. I want to make a bowl out of ceramic and smoke from it all the time in my own damn living room. I want to live with someone who is reasonably messy but not dirty. I want someone sweet and smart or somebody terrible and bad for me to sleep over and do sweet things for me. I want to spend all day at the museum and then make srichacha macaroni and drink Blue Moon or Dr Pepper or wine. I want to have my license and drive Nina around and go on aimless adventures just to see something new, either alone, or with aforementioned companion. I want to be satisfied and not so worried about having to work to satisfy anyone else. I want a job where I can keep my hair unusual colors and I can just socialize with people all day and answer questions. I want to bind books, all kinds of books, books for gifts, books as sketchpads, books as art pieces, books of coordinating illustrations, books of writings. I want my whole place to smell only vaguely likes cigarettes but mostly like flowers. I want to always have a drawer full of fruit and a giant can of Hawaiian coffee in the fridge. I want to share Lindor Truffles and Ferrero Rochers with someone I care for. I want to throw parties there and have everybody know where it is. I want to use deer antlers as a coatrack. I want to take all the little old things I've found at home and make big amazing collages from them and have them all over my bedroom walls. I want transparent dull pink ruffly curtains. I want ugly gnome lamps. I want a tiger tapestry. I want a baby marijuana plant in my storage closet. I want space, a real space that belongs to me, not a temporary space where I have no true privacy, not a tiny bedroom in a house that is not technically mine, not a place where I have no room to breathe, to do what I want, to organize however I want, to make as much noise as I want or be as quiet as I want and not feel disturbed. I want to get out and grow up. I want something that's really mine and fully real. I want that security, I want that love. I romanticize everything so much, of course. I'm realizing now though that I'm allowed to dream, and these dreams aren't all just dreams...maybe they can be made reality.

empiredownx @ 2010-10-11T00:06:00

2010-10-11T04:06:09Z

Fuck everyone and everything.

empiredownx @ 2010-10-02T17:28:00

2010-10-02T21:28:07Z

i must be a horribly confusing person to be friends with. i know i rant and sound like i'm on the verge of stepping off a ledge most of the time when i post, but truthfully, i only feel like that maybe 15% of the time. the rest of my life is going swimmingly. i don't write as much about those things because when i am happy, i just go with it and let it happen and make the most of it; when i am upset, i have to stop and let it flow out from me otherwise it will simmer under the surface and get worse.
i am still not pleased about how the breakup happened but i feel so much lighter now, and like i can just be as frivolous as i want, but really focus on the things that are important. my priorities right now are school, taking care of myself, staying alive, learning as much as i can, and really coming into who i am as a person. and well, having fun. life is too fucking short not to have fun. i could drop dead any second and i need to make the absolute most of, and do exactly what it is that feels right, at every moment.
I went to a party last night with a huge group of my girlfriends and had a time of my life. I feel so surrounded by love here and it is completely surreal. I have never been surrounded by so many fascinating and loving and beautiful people before, ever. I thought I would come here and still be completely miserable and alone, but I've had the exact opposite effect; people like me, they really like me! Hahaha. I am open now in a way that I never have been before, and most everyone else is the same way, so we all gravitate toward each other. It is such a comforting feeling.

Because I am bored and waiting for my food to be done; here is a meme. This is what I like to do instead of my Drawing homework. woo.

STEP ONE:
Spell your name out in songs.

A -"Alejandro" Lady GaGa
L- "Love Is A Deserter" The Kills
E- "Effervescing Elephant" Syd Barrett
X- "X Offender" Blondie
I -"Ice Cream Truck" Cazwell
S-"Seventeen Years of Hell" The Partisans

STEP TWO:
– Name: ALEXISROSEJ*******
– Birth date: 8 JUNE 1992
– Nickname: lexi, alex, baaaaaaaaaabe!, lex, xela (according to one dude)
– Eye Color: brown
– Hair Color: black with red-violet on the bottom
– Zodiac Sign: gemini

STEP THREE:
– The shoes you wore today: adidas slip ons to go outside and smoke
– Your weakness(es): soft and/or messy hair, a good smirk, confidence, emotive eyes, sexy leather shoes, robert smith's voice
– Your fear(s): never finding love and never being able to be proud of my accomplishments. dying unexpectedly.
– Your perfect pizza: just cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms and a cheese crust. simple, none of that hawaiian bullshit.
– Goal you’d like to achieve: live off my art. find some sense of stability and be able to regulate my own emotions.

STEP FOUR:
– Your best physical feature?: this is going to sound really conceited, but i can't pick one. for the most part, i really like the way i look.
– Your bedtime?: should be 1130 or so. usually ends up being 1230-1am.
– Most missed memory?: i don't like to reminisce, live in the HERE and NOW

STEP FIVE:
This Or That...
– Pepsi or Coke?: neither, dr. pepper. but if need be, coke.
– McDonald’s or Burger King: BK for food, McD's for shakes, but i usually won't eat either of them. SONIC bitches
– Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: neither, tazo tea
– Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla!
– Cappuccino or coffee: both both both mmmm

STEP SIX:
Do You...
– Curse: constantly
– Sing: occasionally, and poorly.
– Dance: lolno
– Take a shower everyday: no, too lazy, and it's not like it makes much of a difference if you skip a day or so.
– Have a crush: umm yeah...why do i always start having the hots for my friends
– Do you think you’ve been in love?: i would say yes but i'm still young and naive so i don't know.
– Want to go to college: uh i'm in college. and yes.
– Like(d) high school: fuck to the no.
– Want to get married: i want to be in love and committed. a marriage isn't the issue, it's the relationship.
– Get motion sickness: usually no, unless intoxicated
– Think you’re attractive: most of the time, sure. some days i feel like a gargoyle.
– Think you’re a health freak: lol no
– Get along with your parents: my parents are dead

STEP SEVEN:
In the past month...
– Gone to the mall: yes
– Eaten an entire box of Oreos: ugh no
– Eaten Sushi: yes. mediocre sushi, but sushi nonetheless
– Been on stage: noooooo
– Gone skating: no
– Made homemade cookies: no. i've made premixed muffins, does that count?
– Gone skinny dipping: no
– Stolen anything: yes, never from people, always from stores because i'm usually broke or just seeking adrenaline

STEP EIGHT:
Ever...
– Played a game that required removal of clothing: probably but it kindof becomes a haze after a point
– If so, was it mixed company: DUNNO BEEETCH
- Flashed anyone: uh, no comment
– Been beaten up: not seriously
– Shoplifted: see above

STEP NINE:
– Age you hope to be married: if it happens, i'd want to be AT LEAST 25, and that seem wayyy too young to me considering if that occurred, i'd have to meet this future-spouse sometime soon as i'm not one to rush into anything like that
– Number of Children: i think two would be good. maybe three.
– Describe your Dream Wedding: i don't give a shit about weddings

STEP TEN:
In a boyfriend/girlfriend...
– Best eye color?: i love green eyes, ughh melting thinking of certain ones. i like brown too.
– Best hair color?: usually dark i guess, but it doesn't really matter
– Short hair or long hair?: depends on the person, completely
– Height: as long as they're within a couple of inches of me either way, i'm comfortable

STEP ELEVEN:
– Number of people I could trust with my life: um, i would say 5.
– Number of CDs that I own: i don't keep count. too many.
– Number of tattoos: one, hopefully two soon.
– Number of piercings: two in each ear, and my navel, so 5.

PERSONAL QUIZ:
Who were you with yesterday?: as in hung out/talked with? anthony, sean, krystal, samm, becky, taylor, ange, melanie, jon, olivia, erica, marianne, levi, and assorted people at parties
What woke you up this morning?: i had slept enough, i guess
Is tomorrow going to be a good day?: i have no idea. it'll be a sunday, those are never that great
Do you like anybody?: mhmm.

THE PAST:
Ever thrown up in public?: hahahaha
What’s on your mind RIGHT NOW?: colors and patterns and sex

THE FUTURE:
What kind of home would you like?: an apartment filled with colors and knickknacks and with a studio
What do you want to be when you grow up?: famous, creative
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?: NOOOO YAWK, i hope anyway

IN GENERAL:
Do you like candy necklaces?: mhm. of course i just like candy
When was the last time you fell over or ran into something?: ugh yesterday. i slipped and fell in the hallway, landed on my hip (where i now have a bruise) and scraped my arm on the way down. WTF.
Do you still go trick or treating?: no
What was the last thing you ate?: candy-sushi
What's your favorite type of soda?: DR PEPPER IS MY LOVER
Have you ever moved?: three times including moving into my dorm
Have you ever won an award?: scholastics
Are you listening to music right now?: no, but i have "superstar" by celebutante stuck in my head
How long til your birthday?: eight months
When were you the saddest in your whole life?: after my mom died, or maybe within this past year
What time is it?: 5:15 pm
Do you use ebay to buy or sell?: i have before
Who makes you mad: people just being people, but mostly, i make myself mad.
Ever heard a song written about you: no. i'm the one who writes songs about people, i never seem to be the muse.
Something you want to happen in 2010?: this one's a secret :)
Honestly, do you miss 2008?: fuck no, i was miserable in 08.

HONESTY SECTION:
1. Honestly, what color is your underwear?: black with white pinstripes and red trim
2. Honestly, what's on your mind?: a boy
3. Honestly, what are you doing right now?: this stupid thing
4. Honestly, have you done something bad today?: no, just eaten badly
5. Honestly, who is the last person you talked to on the phone?: krystal my little kitten
6. Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?: no
7. Honestly, what makes you mad most of the time?: being alive
8. Honestly, do you bite your nails?: yes at times
9. Honestly, have you had an eating disorder?: borderline
10. Honestly, do you want to see someone this very moment?: kinda
11. Honestly, are you keeping a big secret now?: not really
12. Honestly, do you have a friend you don’t actually like?: i have friends i don't like anymore, sure
13. Honestly, what was the last text message you received?: "Ho." from my friend Ange.
14. Honestly, are you in denial?: not as far as i know.
15. Honestly, do you get up in the middle of the night?: occasionally.
16. Honestly, do you like anyone?: this has been asked like four times, and i already said yes.
17. Honestly, does anyone like you?: uh i know of several people who really want to sleep with me, but i don't think that's what this question is looking for

RAGE SECTION:
1. What do you do when you’re mad?: draw, and maybe call my sister and talk
2. What’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?: carved the shape of an ankh into my leg with an exacto. it would be sad if it wasn't so funny lol
3. Ever made anyone cry when you were mad?: i don't think so
4. Do you swear when you’re mad?: mhm

CRYING SECTION:
1. When was the last time you actually cried?: thursday night, all night
2. Ever cried yourself to sleep?: mhm
3. Do certain songs make you cry?: yes. ugh i fucking started weeping to "just like heaven" the other day, what is wrong with me
4. What usually makes you cry?: me

HAPPY SECTION:
1. Are you usually a happy person?: no, but i have a somewhat bubbly personality
2. What makes you the happiest?: feeling loved. that is one of the only things that makes me genuinely, really happy.
3. What song makes you always happy?: i have no idea
4. Do you believe in yourself?: yes, i suppose
5. When people say they think you are good looking/pretty, do you get happy?: i'm flattered, i'm not like SOOO EXCITED though. that's not the most important thing to me.

seeyasoon.

empiredownx @ 2010-08-18T14:16:00

2010-08-18T18:16:40Z

Stole this from listensostill , do it if you like

three names you go by:
1. alexis
2. lexi
3. alex

three things you like about yourself:
1. open-mindedness
2. style
3. capacity to love

three things you don't like about yourself:
1. emotional instability
2. artistic inconsistency
3. shyness at times

three parts of your heritage:
1. polish
2. african-american
3. native american

three things that scare you:
1. death
2. large/deep bodies of water
3. loneliness

three of your everyday essentials:
1. eyeshadow
2. cigarettes
3. a beverage of some sort

three things you are wearing right now:
1. pajama pants with tattoo-print
2. CCS teeshirt
3. rainbow-striped underwear

three of your favorite musical artists:
1. siouxsie and the banshees
2. interpol
3. lady gaga

three of your favorite songs at the moment:
1. "howl" - florence and the machine
2. "magnetic baby" - semi precious weapons
3. "like a G6" - far east movement

three new things you want to try in the next year:
1. have sex with a man
2. mediterranean food
3. ride a bicycle

three things you want in a relationship:
1. affection
2. compassion and understanding
3. a compatible level of intellect and knowledge

two truths and a lie:
1. i want to move to new york city
2. i write poems more often than i paint, even though i'm supposed to be a "visual artist"
3. i'm always the center of attention

three physical traits of people that appeal to you:
1. eyes--mainly the expression behind them, but i love large, deep eyes
2. facial bone structure (cheekbones and jawline)
3. hair--wild, crazy, wonderful, ideally natural hair

three things you just can't do:
1. keep my nailpolish from chipping within a day
2. swim competently
3. lie to appease someone else

three of your hobbies:
1. dig up new music
2. loaf around with friends
3. go see live music--though it's been months since i've gone to a show :(

three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. kiss my favorite girl
2. buy all my crap for collage
3. go out and be around people

three careers you're considering:
1. gallery artist
2. tattoo artist
3. mega-popstar (in my dreams)

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. los angeles
2. moscow
3. berlin

three kids names:
1. liliana calliope
2. sebastian apollo
3. alexandria clio

three things you want to do before you die:
1. find real love
2. have a gallery installation of my work in NYC
3. see every continent

i'm bored so i stole these from erin :)

2010-05-28T20:51:53Z

Q&A Meme
- Leave a comment saying ~~"Beam me up, Scotty!"~~ ~~"You! I want to take you to a gay bar!"~~ ~~"Inconceivable!"~~ "You wanna go?!"
- I'll respond by asking you five questions to satisfy my curiosity.
- Update your journal with the answers to your questions.
- Include this explanation and offer to ask other people questions.

My questions from listensostill , my one tru luv
1 - Everyone asks for the favorites, so... what is your least favorite book? Color? Food? Why?
I have been trying to read Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut for over a year and it's just not working, so I might choose that one. This is hard though because I usually don't even finish books I strongly dislike. I would say Twilight, but since I only read bits and pieces of it, maybe that's not fair.
Color-I hate neon colors most of the time, especially neon green and orange. Burnt sienna is really ugly to me too unless it is being used in a painting or something like that.
Food- I don't like asparagus, steak, oyster, or most fish, at all. Nasty shit. I also tried an oyster yesterday and it was horrendous, ugh. Seafood in general, anything overwhelmingly spicy, and anything too meaty and hearty is not my thing.

2 - If you could live in one place on earth, where would it be? Why?
New York City. However, I get so bored and have such insane wanderlust that I feel like I couldn't deal with living in one place for too long. I want to travel as much as possible and hopefully move to another new place every now and then. NYC has every cultural opportunity I could want, and it is beautiful and enormous and varied and crowded and so ALIVE! It's also not too far from home and the ones I love, and I feel like I'd learn so much and scarcely have a dull day or a dull person while living there.

3 - Your computer is.. suddenly malfunctioning horribly. You can only save five artists in your iTunes, because the computer is mean and will delete all the rest. Who would you keep? (I would never say one; that's just too mean.)
FUCK!!!!!!!!!! Okay, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Interpol, Lady Gaga, The Kills, andddd probably The Doors, though I might switch them out from time to time.

4 - Since we've got a little over a week left, what was your favorite class at Mercy?
Literature into Film, Portfolio Preparation, and uh...maybe Relationships. I liked these because for the most part they were challenging, had great people in them, and had great teachers. I actually learned a lot in different ways from each.

5 - Explain to me your Bieber fascination.
Okay, he's fucking adorable and leeeeeeetle, he can sing pretty well, and his songs are catchy as fuck. That's all it is!! I just wanna pinch his cheeks. No more, no less.

Flickr mosaic:
- Answer each of the questions below using the Flickr Search engine.
- Choose a photo from the first three pages.
- Copy the URL of your favorite photo into this site: bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php
- Save mosaic to some form of photo hosting thing and share with the world.

1. First Name
2. Favorite Food
3. Hometown
4. Favorite Color
5. Celebrity Crush
6. Favorite Drink
7. Dream Vacation
8. Favorite Dessert
9. What I Want To Be When I Grow Up
10. What I Love Most In The World
11. One Word That Describes Me
12. My LiveJournal Name

empiredownx @ 2010-05-02T18:32:00

2010-05-02T22:32:41Z

Some days, I really feel like everything in the universe is harmonically coming together to piss me off in every way possible. Then I remember I'm not that important, and then I don't know what to do but sulk and try to distract myself, because I know I shouldn't be reacting like this, and I need help already.
Today is one of those days.
Goddamn am I sick of being angry. And now I'm angry at myself for being angry, and angry at everyone else for being so fucking annoying.
Cool.

empiredownx @ 2010-04-03T23:34:00

2010-04-04T03:35:00Z

It has become glaringly apparent to me that over the last few months, I have really not been a good friend to a lot of people in my life. I am not just saying that because of drama or anything like that; I say that because looking back on it, I really have been a shitty friend and I feel really guilty and really confused as to how to remedy this, both with other people, and in my own brain.
So, to any/everyone I am friends with, I am sorry. (I realize that is vague, but I feel it would be inappropriate to address every person with one stupid lj post. Mainly this bit is for me. I just hope from now on, I can really put energy into ALL of my friendships, and be someone that can be relied on and trusted...not just with a few people.)
xo

I gave in

2010-02-01T19:23:30Z

http://www.formspring.me/horizon2horizon

Ask me shit. Or just tell me something random.
(Yes, I know I'm a total sheep for getting one)

empiredownx @ 2010-01-23T23:43:00

2010-01-24T04:43:59Z

Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Ontario around the year 1525. Your profession was that of a entertainer, musician, poet or temple-dancer.

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy.

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
You should develop your talent for love, happiness and enthusiasm and you should distribute these feelings to all people.

Do you remember now?

http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/index.html

Obviously fake, but rather interesting nonetheless...
I'm not sure if calculations like this, or astrology or anything of the like, are in any way reliable or true information (i'm leaning towards no) but I can see something like this applying to me.
Really I just really love the idea of finding some sort of spiritual origin.
If past lives and soul fragments and things of that sort are retrievable, I wonder how that would be possible. Can we actually know where we came from? Can we actually trace the path that each part of us has traveled on the astral plane?
I don't expect that to make any sense. Just a thought.

empiredownx @ 2010-01-01T18:02:00

2010-01-01T23:02:56Z

Welcome 2010. Graduation year! I'm beyond excited about it...and nervous, since so much is going to change in the next year. I hope it's just as good if not better than the last year has been for me.

I've decided to make resolutions for once, even though it's terribly cliche and I'm not sure how I'll go about making some of them happen. Mainly, I just want to improve and build on the relationships in my life, and I think it's really time that I blaze the path and grow into who I truly want to be. As life changes so much this year I want to change as well...and I will.
Not to mention: cutting down on the smoking (this is going to suck, but I'm sick of always being paranoid about how I smell, and it's horrible for me, I know), get a job!, get my driver's license within the next three months, and yes, find a boyfriend...just to see if there is anyone who is boyfriend material around these parts (which may prove to be difficult since juggalos, stoners, fat 30+ chubby men, and men with moobs seem to be the only ones who come my way. DNW, thank you.)
--------------------------------

NYE was spent at home, with my sister, her fiance, two of their friends, and one of my friends, who proceeded to get exceedingly drunk and threw up all over my couch and floor, which was absolutely delightful to clean up... ah well. Other than that, it was fun. I don't feel too bad for her, as everyone has to learn their limits at some point, I just hope the hangover's not too awful. Pauvre bébé! :(

I'm exhausted and even though all I want to do is paint and sleep, I really need to go now and get some actual work done, so in short,
happy new year and good riddance to the past.

♥

empiredownx @ 2009-12-13T23:01:00

2009-12-14T04:01:15Z

I'm bored. Here's a music plays meme I stole from listensostill . Goodnight.

Sort by song title
First song: "A-Punk" Vampire Weekend
Last song: "*#@¥¿" Fischerspooner

Sort by time
Shortest song: "silence" 30 Seconds to Mars (0:00)
Longest song: recording of She Wants Revenge's visit to Loveline (1:42:15)

Sort by album
First song: "Our Leader's Run" Radio 4
Last song: "I Hate Models" Neils Childr

Top 10 most played songs (this is wrong because my settings got fucked up when i got my new computer, so it's the most played since june)
001. "Resistansen" - Kaizers Orchestra
002. "Kontroll pa Kontinentet" - Kaizers Orchestra
003. "Dance Avoid" - ADULT.
004. "Ayo Technology" - Katerine Avgoustakis
005. "Animal Attraction" - She Wants Revenge
006. "Love Game" - Lady GaGa
007. "Shake the Disease" - Depeche Mode
008. "Paparazzi" - Lady GaGa
009. "Marilyn Dreams" - B-movie
010. "Bullet Proof" - La Roux

First 10 songs that come up on shuffle
001. "96 Tears" - The Cramps
002. "Happy You're Gone" - Placebo
003. "Sixteen" - No Doubt
004. "Koka, Kola, Advertising and Cocaine" - The Clash
005. "Gypsy Love" - Silver Apples
006. "The Middle" - Demi Lovato
007. "Hotel Yorba" - The White Stripes
008. "Colours" - 800beloved
009. "Lullaby" - The Cure
010. "You're Lost Little Girl" - Siouxsie and the Banshees (The Doors cover)

Search...
"sex" - how many songs come up?: 124
"love" - how many songs come up?: 341
"you" - how many songs come up?: 605
"death" - how many songs come up?: 50
"hate" - how many songs come up?: 25
"wish" - how many songs come up?: 19

empiredownx @ 2009-12-04T00:12:00

2009-12-04T05:12:46Z

i seem to have caught the absolute worst case of senioritis ever. 12:08 am and i've yet to even open my bookbag.
i'd just rather drink hot cocoa and look at pretty pictures all day.

(brandi strickland)

empiredownx @ 2009-09-19T20:23:00

2009-09-20T01:39:27Z

I've found that I just can't tolerate people who only talk to me so they can talk about themselves. Shit gets old reaaaally fast.
Do let me know if I ever develop that habit, and please promptly smack me.

Do you ever just come across people or stumble upon journals and you really feel like you should totally be friends but it never happens? I hate my shyness!
I have met a few more people recently, though. I feel like every new person I talk to is a little inch toward being more outgoing. I often wonder what causes shyness in some people and a lack of it in others. Hopefully this will come up in psych class.

I'm getting really excited about this altered book project...first I need to get the book or figure out how to bind it, then plan the pages. That will be a pain in the ass, but we'll see. I'm trying to find a novel that would work well for it. I like the theme of romantic love....it's not something I'm very experienced with, but I think about it a lot lately. Not necessarily pining for it, but...I dunno.

I leave you with a four-legged woman. Good evening.

empiredownx @ 2009-08-31T17:12:00

2009-08-31T22:21:41Z

I'm in love with Egon Schiele's artwork.

Life has been alright lately. I've been able to go out almost every day for the past week--went bowling/got some AMAZING Thai food with Jackie, spent like three hours with Becca and Justin at Denny's (I knew that would go well), saw The Juliets, 800beloved, and the Von Bondies on Friday with Jackie (AMAZING show for a bevy of reasons) on Friday after going to ikea with Erin (never been there before, loved it), saw 'Inglourious Basterds' on Saturday with Hernan which was mildly weird because I don't do well in typical "date"-type scenarios (plus I'm not really interested in him, though he's cool) though the movie was AWESOME, then went to Jackie's bday/farewell thing on Sunday, saw 'Taking Woodstock' which was meh, and I SHIT YOU NOT got chased out of the theatre by a guy in a creepy-ass Michael Myers mask who then got arrested AT GUNPOINT by six undercover cops. It was hilarious.

The more time I spend out and about and having fun the less time I have to stress over stupid nonsense things. It's both a good distraction and a good way of making life fulfilling. I have had some bad periods this summer but overall it's been the best one I've had so far, I think--traveling and getting to experience so many new things and spend time with so many people I love and meet new people has been the best of it all.

Goals before school begins again (I have 8 days):

+Finish reading 'The Outsider' by Albert Camus, which Erin bought for me in NYC--shouldn't be too hard as it's a short, simply written novel;
+Go shopping and get some more ~fashionable things for this year;
+Pay back Taylor for the books she sent me (four novels for $20--love her);
+Figure out how to start my Wayne State App, which doesn't need to be until like...the end of the year, but I don't really understand the whole thing, so I should get a head start on it;
+Schedule and do my stupid yearbook photo with Prestige;
+Get a haircut and do a conditioning treatment on my hair which is FRIED as hell, but somehow I like the weird messiness. I'm thinking fringe again--AFTER my yearbook photo, in case it looks bad;
+Order my books;
+Schedule my physical exam;
+Go to another concert;
+Finish one painting I've started and do at least one more, and one more drawing;
+Get out as much as possible.

PS From now on if I post an anon entry just assume it's not about you, haha. I didn't know people were so paranoid, dayyyyyyyum bro.

I need to get off the computer now. Au revoir.

<3

"a last ditch effort is always the best"

2009-08-18T04:35:20Z

Goddammit I hate pretentious people. Holy shit.
Throwing 8,000 long words together does not make you sound worldly, it makes you sound like a damn fool.
And what's with that faux-joylessness? I don't understand people who act like they have this profound fear of smiling.

K, that little vent is over. Other developments:
+I have missed going to concerts in Detroit. so, so much fun. (Adult., F'ke Blood, etc = incredible, one of my favorite shows ever.)
+I Love You, Beth Cooper is one of the worst films I have ever seen.
+My libido has practically disappeared lately. This is an *extremely* peculiar feeling.
+I wish I had retractable teeth in my vagina. (I watched a movie called 'Teeth' earlier...that's the only reason I'm thinking about this)
+My social awkwardness has been a little bit better in recent days.
+I want to be Alison Mosshart. Or at least, get with her. HOT DAMN.

+I need my fucking license. But first this means practice...ugh why do the brakes have to be messed up NOW?
+I am obsessed with Diamanda Galas. Some very strange things go on in that woman's head, but I think it is fascinating.

+School starts in three weeks and one day. What the ever-loving fuck. :(
+I miss people.

i've been away

2009-08-06T03:11:12Z

A few things:

a. Paris is the most dream-like, luxurious place I've ever visited.
b. The fact that Avignon, which was built as a place for the French pope, is now a tourist-friendly shopping center is really odd/amusing to me.
c. Medieval castles are fascinating. And dangerous!
d. I am done with climbing stairs that go hundreds of feet up, even though the view is "fabulous".
e. Nice is nice.
f. Mediterranean men are creepsters like no others.
g. If I never eat camembert cheese, flavorless yogurt, mini-baguette sandwiches, or salad with vinaigrette on it again, it will be too soon.
h. Italians know what's up with bargains.
i. I cannot deal with any more stupid teenage girl drama. Fuck that shit.
j. I need to not get wasted off my ass and ...do things with girls I don't care about.
k. Chain-smoking Pueblos on the balcony in Nice is one of my favorite things ever.
l. Cuddling is wonderful.

C'est tout.

I miss everyone so much. It is so hard being thousands of miles from home with only a couple of people to really talk to for ten days. Getting off the plane and going home and eating greasy pizza and watching Secret Life was one of the most welcome events I can remember.
Much love <3

empiredownx @ 2009-07-24T06:04:00

2009-07-24T10:08:30Z

shit man, i really need to stop going to bed at 6-6:30 am.
good morning, regular people!
and goodnight for me.

<3

empiredownx @ 2009-07-10T19:10:00

2009-07-10T23:41:36Z

I didn't know it was possible to feel relieved, pleased, relaxed, furious, jealous, annoyed, resigned, exhausted, bored, impatient, content, and restless all at one time.
Wait, it is, right? 'Cos lately I really feel like I'm losing my mind and changing a lot personally and I don't know if I like it.
God, I'm becoming so many things that I used to hate.
_______________________________________

In more tangible news I spent this whole week in Mississippi swimming, eating chicken, and hanging around shady characters. I have a wicked tan and sunburn and a newfound love for the country, but I can't imagine living there. Nice place to visit but I sooo missed my bed and my city and my family and loves. Also, being driven for almost three long-ass days by an old woman who barely even remembers what the buttons in her car do has really made me want to actually start practicing my own driving. I'm going to go over my book tonight and hopefully I can get some driving in this week. I'm sick of other people's ineptitude at driving so I want to learn and be good at it.
I have felt so isolated from everything this week. I missed a lot of shit and I'm really, really not happy about it.
Actually, I'm really not too happy in general, but who cares.
Mostly, I feel torn between my brain and my instincts and what people are telling me. I just don't trust anyone right now. I don't know if I even trust myself.
I have a lot of things to prepare for, too, and a lot of people I want to see...I need to stop making my happiness depend on what other people want. It's my life, dammit. Who's running this show? blahblahsorry I'm like really...restless right now.
Don't know what's going on with Lutherfest tomorrow, hope I can go.
Oh and Ann Arbor art fair is coming up, I should see when that is, and if I can go.
Also, I am really scared of France, haha. I have forgotten pretty much all of my French. I'm gonna be so damn lost.
Anyhoo, I miss people. I'm going to make some calls now.
Later, "y'all".

"new york city is a place so nice, everybody says it says it so they had to name it twice"

2009-07-01T03:26:36Z

I wanna live in NYC so bad.
I finally got to visit this weekend and I just...fell in love.
Manhattan is kindof chaotic and commercial, but it was still fun. I think I left a little part of me in Brooklyn, though. The whole atmosphere and everything there felt like home for me, even though I felt terribly homesick the whole time. Mostly just missing people.
I think what I loved most was how the whole city is this enormous cultural hub, and everywhere we went I saw something new and different. The people were the most fascinating part. You'd never see half the types of people walking around in Detroit, and though I love Detroit, it's so limited. I feel like you could explore NYC forever and find something new all the time...there's a niche for everyone.
Canal Street and Soho were total consumeristic heaven for me, and and AND oh my god, I saw the lead singer from Interpol riding his bike down the street in Tribeca. I wish I'd taken a picture, as creepy as that is. I totally flipped out. I wish I'd seen Helena or something.
Oh, and the food was all amazing, except for this calamari and black bean soup I had at some Mexican place in Tribeca....the calamari made me gag and the soup was just too thick. There was an amazing Italian/Mexican restaurant in Brooklyn, though, where I had some amazing pasta, and next door was a Spanish/Chinese restaurant. A little odd, but neat. Oh, and the pizza was fucking amazing. No NY hot dogs for me, though. We did a lot of typical sight-seeing and just exploring, though, and now that I think about it there's a bit too much to recap, but it was all really interesting and fun.
Ohh and I also visited the Brooklyn Museum, Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, and MoMA, all of which were absolutely amazing. I feel like I learned so much just going there. The gardens are incredibly beautiful, too.

The main reason for the visit was to go to Pratt Institute and attend their info session, which was not as comprehensive as I would have liked, though I did like the place. The tour was a bit limited, too. It makes me wonder if they are trying not to let people see something...hm. The campus is very pretty though, and very peaceful. There's lovely sculptures everywhere and a lot of greenery, and the old buildings are very nice, although I realize this could make for some inconveniences, with heating and cooling and getting from place to place and all. I feel really good about the school, though. However I can't say I really have a first choice at this point. I still love Pratt and all, but CCS sounds really impressive, too, and then I still need to visit Wayne State, and figure out if I'm going to apply anywhere else. It's so fucking stressful sometimes. I don't feel that great about my artwork, to be honest, but I know I have a lot of pieces from my classes at least that have what these schools are looking for.

Oh yeah, and literally everywhere we went in NY, there was Michael Jackson playing. I have had "Smooth Criminal" stuck in my head for four days. People were selling "RIP" teeshirts and shit everywhere, too, and it had only been a day since the fact!

Anyhoo, this was also my first experience flying and I enjoyed it, although I got a couple of bad earaches during the flights. There wasn't too much turbulence, and the views are of course always fascinating to me. I felt so sad when we were pulling away from New York...waving goodbye to all the beautiful buildings...*sigh*.
haha.

Monday I just vegged out a bit and then spent some time with Justin, which was lovely as usual, and then I didn't do much today but eat and sleep and waste time on the computer. I think I'm either going to paint or watch this DVD I bought at MoMA of a television program called TV Party from the early 80s.

In other news, I'm completely obsessed with 60s garage music lately and I've fallen in love with the earnest, straightforward stories they tell...I love how most of the songs/singles have these catchy, fun melodies and great guitar sounds, but they're all about heartbreak or unrequited love.
Some of them I identify with, in some roundabout way.
Also, I miss people. I haven't seen a lot of my friends since school ended, and it's so...depressing.
In general, I have felt really unhappy lately, probably mostly out of loneliness. Since this weekend, though, it's been a lot better. Nothing hardcore, though. I think I have gotten a lot better at keeping things in perspective, and because of that, I've coped a lot better emotionally lately than I ever have before.

If you don't feel like reading that whole thing, in a nutshell: NYC's amazing, I love the diversity, MoMa = love, the food is awesome, I love Brooklyn, I SAW PAUL BANKS, Pratt was really lovely but also a bit unhelpful, I'm still torn about college plans, 60s garage music is amazing, and I miss my friends.

Wow, I really need to learn to condense my entries better. Whatever, idc it's my journal.

Much love. <3
Have a good night.

empiredownx @ 2009-06-12T23:53:00

2009-06-13T03:59:24Z

first great night of the summer.
i love my life!
and i love spontaneity.
and i love my friends!

ACT tomorrow morning. :[ cross your fingers for me....i just want a 28+ so bad.

empiredownx @ 2009-05-31T23:02:00

2009-06-01T03:14:44Z

Oh my god, I really don't care about icosahedrons and Reagan and triangles.
A week and a half and I'm set...oh June 13th can't come quick enough. :[

Also, missed Fischerspooner AND YYYs.
Weeknights are laaaaame.

Also I've decided that custard is Satan's creation.
Squishy semi-liquid things sloshing around in my mouth...ugh, the texture is just so creamy and nasty.

I miss my friends right now even though I've had hardly any time to myself all weekend.
When did I become so needy?

Ooh, La Dolce Vita is my new favorite movie. Three hours of blissfulness and sexy Italian people and interesting observations.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand I'm done procrastinating. I think. Or I will be in a minute. fml, I suck.

/bitchin